Birds of a feather – Expats and friendship

 

One of the heaviest prices to pay when adopting a new country is leaving behind old friendships. This loss creates the need to build a new network of friends, a task that can be challenging. Clearly, chemistry is an essential element in any friendship, including platonic ones, and generally hard to find. Complicating this search are a series of cultural elements that render it difficult to make bonds with one’s adopted people as I will explain.

To clarify, by friendship, I am referring to platonic friendship, not romantic or professional connections. In the former, sex helps dissolve, at least temporarily, many cultural differences. In the latter, occupational interests create a mutual need to cooperate and a natural shared experience. Platonic friendships involve liking someone without interest or need. They are, thus, highly susceptible to cultural interference.

The most obvious factor making it difficult for an expat to make friends with a local person is a lack of a shared childhood. An expat generally only meets someone after they have become an adult. You do not share the same school , neighborhood or even university. It is impossible to talk about the “time that…..” Expats start at zero.

This limitation can be severe in cultures where people stop adding to social circles early on in life, often no later than university days. In many societies, such as many parts of France, registration on the friend list stops at the age of 25 or so. For older immigrants, it can make it quite difficult to find similarly aged friends.

Another societal limitation is gender segregation. In some countries,  such as the United States and the UK, men and women can become platonic friends without raising too many eyebrows. By contrast, in more conservative regions, notably the Middle East, there is too often a sexual assumption to any connection between people of the opposite sex. This attribution takes on more serious consequences when either party is married or in a serious relationship. As a result, the pool of potential friends is even more limited.

Not only do people from different cultures lack a shared childhood but they often grew up in widely different cultures. They do not share the same childhood memories, whether it is TV or societal rituals. It is far more comfortable to not need to explain to someone. Foreign friends require more effort.

Even the rules of friendship vary from culture to culture. For example, Americans have no problem with dividing their friends into limiting categories, e.g., golf friends and travel friends. By contrast, Europeans tend to take the total obligation approach, i.e., a friend must be willing to fully commit to a friendship. The differences in conceptions often take years to understand and lead to great and frequent disappointments. They also sometimes block friendship.

With all these interference factors, expats can find it difficult to fully integrate into a new society. The connections too often feel a bit forced. Fortunately, the chemistry between people is occasionally sufficiently strong to allow the creation of a friendship between expats and natives. More common, at least in my experience, is that expats find the most common ground with other expats, not necessarily from the same country, with similar enough cultural backgrounds. Expats form their own tribe in a certain sense.

According to the expression, birds of a feather stick together. Expats partially replace shared childhoods with shared experiences of trying to integrate into an alien society. We often grasp each other better than we understand our new home-grown neighbors no matter how much we strive to integrate ourselves. Such bonding is not a tragedy but an indication of the strength of human will to adjust and adapt. Human beings, even imported ones, need a telephone line to hand out on.

Crossing the ty's – The ESN speed-marketing event

 

Last week, I attended a speed marketing event in Jerusalem organized by Helena Baker as part of her English Speaking Networking activities. It was the first time I had experienced such a format and found it quite promising. The full day involved a series of 4-minute discussions with rotating partners as well as two roundtable discussions with relevant business people, each of 40 minutes. The main marketing activity consisted of short introductions and question asking in order to learn more about the other person. Of course, there was more than enough time before the sessions, during lunch and after the formal program to have more in-depth discussions. It was an intense day but three elements stand out as I look back: the marketing opportunity, the wide diversity and the importance of brevity.

The event was an ideal way to physically meet potential customers, direct and referrals, from all occupations and locations. The best marketing involves a personal element, selling oneself if you will. The challenge is to overcome the difficulty of finding relevant and interested businesses, the issue of geographical distance and the significant amount of time involved in developing those contacts, which may or may turn out to be relevant. In this speed marketing format, business people from all over the country choose to gather for a few hours, listen and learn. An entrepreneur can make a strong impression on many relevant customers in a short period of time. For freelancers, the opportunity to attain direct customers and, even more significantly, future referrals is priceless while the financial cost is quite minor. Speed marketing is a viable and valuable marketing tool.

One of the most striking impressions of the attendees, over 150 of them, was the sheer diversity. Women represented a slight majority, which reflects the actual distribution in many of the freelance niches, notably translation and interpretation. The people were of all ages, from students in their twenties to people past standard retirement ages. The occupations covered a wide spectrum of services from standard ones such as accounting, law, real estate and finance to more personal ones such as business coaches of all kinds and media experts as well as some unique ones. I was the only translator there, which is good. As this was in Jerusalem, many religious businesspeople also attended, also reflecting Israeli reality. The common goal, to market oneself, unified a very diverse audience.

In terms of actual marketing, every attendee introduced himself/herself multiple times, which, in effect, helped the participants understand and fine-tune their marketing, not sales, message. During a short lecture and workshop on presenting oneself, the importance of short and clear messages, including what makes a person or business special, was highlighted. As the day progressed, each participant began dropping the generalized description of the occupation and went directly to the distinguishing element and how that has helped their customers in the past. For example, one financial advisor briefly explained how his company had helped a client arrange the current and future financial needs of his children while an interior director explained how she had renovated a house to allow full access to a recently handicapped person. This method has the double advantage of clearly expressing the competitive advantage of that individual while avoiding “sales talk shutoff” since the person is telling an interesting story, not trying to persuade you to buy something. It was amazing how deep and effective a one-minute message could be.

Thus, speed marketing is an effective method, helping both the speaker and listener. Its financial payback derives not only from direct sales but from referrals from the attendees. Participants listen, learn and gain an impression of a large number of potential contacts within a short period of time. In many cases, the freelancers would have find these contacts using standard marketing methods, especially if they live far away. It is a great opportunity to meet a great diversity of potential contacts and learn the power of brevity. In short, the ESN event crossed all the T’s, notably opportunity, diversity and brevity, even while dotting all the I’s.

Vive le Roi – Considering 2025 and 2026.

 

What was, was. It may not have been as bad as people feared and felt. That is a good omen for 2026. I, like many business people, did a basic calculation of my numbers for last year, analyzed the details and attempted to derive some conclusions from them. Clearly, each business has its own narrative and situation. I will share my key takeaways:

1.    AI did not wipe out the business, translation in my instance. In fact, my invoiced total increased almost 8%. Although it felt there were far too many slow months, I cannot complain. The landscape changed but it is not a post-nuclear apocalypse.

2.   Speaking of AI, like Covid, it has transformed the business world but its effects are far from omnipresent. Specifically, people still have an effective choice to use or ignore AI, just as many people led perfectly normal lives without cellular phones for at least a decade. Some professionals have embraced AI to one degree or another while others ignore it by choice. There is still sufficient room for both groups. In translation, AI has not replaced other machine translation models, merely becoming one of the options. Its use in freelancer business management is still developing.

3.   Having stated that my revenues actually increased, the relative importance of various services and niches changed this year. Some previously regular clients and work decreased signficantly but new niches compensated for the drop. The key to survival is the readiness to explore new opportunities and supplemental services. While it is never optimal to equate previous success to future possibilities, in today’s extremely dynamic market, it is dangerous.

4.   In trying to remain relevant, it is important to seek and take advantage of marketing opportunities, i.e., never stop searching for new business. For example, this week, I am attending a speed marketing event (first time) in Jerusalem. I have no idea whether it will lead to new business but it is vital to make the effort. Marketing is a long-term process and requires consistent effort. Attend conferences of peers and target customers. For translators and interpreters, the Israel Translator Conference in Tel Aviv will occur on February 16-18 and will be available online. I suggest you check out the program. Opportunity comes those that seek it out, as Mr. Buffet said.

5.   Certain essential elements of a service business do not change. Prompt and professional service and communication remain the keys to long-term consumers. Customers prefer to buy from pleasant and capable people.

As the French said, until 1789 at least, le Roi est mort. Vive le Roi, which in English comes out “The King is dead. Long live the King”. 2025 is over. For some, that is quite fortunate. Every business had its challenges and can learn from them. It is now time to make 2026 a successful year. May its reign be well remembered.