Musical normalcy

It is hard to unlearn a mistake.  Whether first learning how to play an instrument or having heard a song sung in a certain way, once it gets into your brain, the error become a norm and refuses to leave.  For example, those that first read National Lampoon’s Bored of the Rings will eternally think that Frito and Pepsi are the actual names of the lead characters. In my cases, I can recall the lyrics to several songs from youth but not exactly those that would be found in the Wikipedia entry.

 

For example, there is the famous Disney classic from the movie “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”, whose lyrics are as follows:

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it’s off to school we go

With switchblade knives and forty fives, heigh, heigh ho

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it’s off to school we go

With handgranades and razor blades, heigh heigh, heigh ho.

It should be noted, in all fairness, the movie version does not describe the manner of their return at all. So, we merely added details.

See: https://youtu.be/HI0x0KYChq4

Regarding that same love of school, being forced to go to Hebrew school, some of us used to chant:

Why do we have to rush, rush, rush? why do we have to rush, rush, rush? Why do we have to rush, rush, rush, to go to Hebrew school.

I just asked my wife what the real words are:

Hava narisha, rash, rash, rash, repeat, vaharishim.

It is actually a Purim song, rather joyful: https://youtu.be/HNxMmJPBgtg

Another song that we (collective responsibility) massacred is the classic “David Melech Israel, chai , chai vekiam”, which came out as follows:

Coca Cola, ginger ale, hi fi, pizza pie

Slightly different, I admit, but sweeter in a certain way and much more modern.  The original (as sung by more innocent children):https://youtu.be/u4dvFDLRPro

Of course, popular songs did not escape our damage.  One of the most important influences of my youth, MAD magazine, thoughtfully provided the lyrics to a leading single of the time, Downtown by Petula Clark:

Here is just a sample:

When you're at home and life is getting so hungry,
There's a meat you know,
Ground round.

You're in a hurry, but there's no need to scurry
It will help to know
Ground round.

Just mix it with some mac and cheese and you will look so witty
Add some Campbell's beef stock and your eatin' really nifty 
"How can you lose?"

There is no way you can err.
Some of the recipes double, and go in the fridge, cook slow

Cook brown
All meals taste great for sure
Ground round.
Use any place that your
Ground's sound
Won't taste like leather of shoe

For the full Mad lyrics, see http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/petulaclark8.shtml

And the original https://youtu.be/Zx06XNfDvk0, not bad in their own right.

Nobody was safe from our mischief. Even the Beatles had their famous submarine dirtied:

We all live in the yellow submarine.

It used to be green but we couldn’t keep it clean.

Actually, our version showed much more creativity than the original, which merely repeated the words “Yellow submarine” as you can hear yourself:

https://youtu.be/m2uTFF_3MaA

So, this small sample shows how normal is how normal was learned, for better or worse, the latter in the case of my piano playing.  I am sure everybody has a catalog of songs in the brains whose lyrics do not match the youtube version.  As they say, variety is the spice of life.

Holy academic scheduling

I have been an English lecturer at Ort Braude for over 25 years.  One aspect of academic life in Israel that is unique to the country and very peculiar is the schedule of non-classes in the second semester. 

To explain, as in the United States, each semester has 14 weeks. An additional factor is that the Jewish calendar, which determines the actual date of the religious holidays, is based on the moon, which means that an extra month, Adar B, is frequently added to keep it in line with the solar year. This means that their dates vary from year to year but within a certain range.

The first semester begins after Sukkot. In practice, that means any time from the end of September to latter part of October. Once the semester begins, it lasts 14 consecutive weeks with no holidays except for maybe one day for Hanukah (some institutions give more).

Alas, the second semester is a matter of occasional study between days off.  To illustrate, this year, it began on March 6.  Students got one day off for Purim on March 24, two and half weeks later. They actually have to study another almost four weeks until Pesach, which lasts from April 22-29. Immediately after readjusting to academic life for not even a week, they get a late afternoon off, on May 4, for Holocaust Memorial Day. Not to worry, one week later, there are no classes, from the late afternoon on May 10th for Memorial Day straight through to the 12^th, for Independence Day.  This break is followed by two actual weeks of study, until, no kidding, Students Day, from noon of May 25^th to noon of the 26^th. By this time, even the students want to get some learning in. There is a limit on how much you can eat. Yet, on June 12, the students can catch up on homework on Shavuot. There are no more holidays or days off until June 20^th, the end of the semester, unless they are sick or called up for reserve duty.  

I should clarify that the plethora of holidays is not the fault of the management and is applicable all over the country.  It should be noted, to nobody’s surprise, that the vast majority students appreciate the extra time, especially at an engineering college.

If you are wondering how the faculty can actually teach anything, the management has calculated 14 full weeks of study here. It is undoubtedly true but who can count with so many holes?

You know it is a Jewish holiday when…..

Compared to most religions, Judaism has a large number of holidays, albeit not equally distributed during the year.  Each holiday has its script and rules, which are sometimes rather complicated even for observant Jews to understand.  In fact, practicing Jews spend an inordinate amount of time discussing what is allowed and forbidden on these occasions. 

An interesting aspect of these holidays is the unwritten rules that have become part of them even if no mention of them can be found in any religious book.  For non-religious Jews, they may much more significant to the holiday than the formal practices.  Here is a short list of how to identify the various Jewish holidays in Israel:

Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year): the search for tasty apples to serve with the honey.  This is often accompanied by comments such as “When I was a kid, apples were really tasty.  Today, they are like plastic.”

Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement): Riding bicycles.  Since even non-religious Jews avoid driving on this day, children take over the streets, riding their bicycles all over the town without any fear, which is paradoxically the source of the packed emergency rooms in hospitals in Israel on that day.

Sukkot: the collection of children’s artwork.  Since families like to decorate the walls of the sukka, the temporary shelter symbolic of the holiday, the various scribbles and attempts at artwork by the children and grandchildren are encouraged and greedily taken for use as decorations.  To be clear, the children are more than pleased to cooperate.

Hanukah: smell of levivot (potato pancakes) and sufganiot (doughnuts).  It is a tradition to prepare these two dishes at least once during the holiday.  People generally unsuccessfully avoid the latter as not being worth the calories, but levivot are always tasty, if not very low-calorie.  On the other hand, who diets during a holiday?  In any case, Israelis use much cooking oil during this holiday.

Purim: children smoking cigarettes.  This holiday involves putting on costumes and acting out.  The tradition is the children can get away with anything but murder on this day.  So, many children in religious families, even younger ones, smoke cigarettes openly. 

Pesach: spring cleaning.  The rules only require removal of hametz, leavened bread products, from the house.  However, many families, even non-religious ones, conduct a thorough cleaning of the house, including windows and shelves, often beginning a month beforehand.  Of course, there is always some nice desert wind which comes around and gets the windows all dirty again, but it is the effort that counts, right?

Log Baomer: collecting wood in shopping carts.  Most Israelis, especially those with children, participate in mass bonfire parties.  However, first the kids, of all ages, have to collect the wood. Potatoes and hotdogs are the standard fare, but some go much fancier.  On the bright side, it is a chance to talk with the neighbors and meet the parents of the other kids (funny how the parent acts and looks the son or daughter).  On a less charming note, the pollution level jumps sky high with some children learning the hard way about “the burnt child dreads the fire.”

Shavuot: water fights. This holiday is supposedly a harvest festival.  The younger generation seems to think it is an open invitation to get other people wet.  I have no idea why and wish it was not so.

Tisha be Av: no restaurants.  This is a day of mourning over the destruction (twice) of the temple in Jerusalem, but the tourists seem to pay the price for it.  Try not to arrive on the evening of the holiday.

So, like the packed stores and overuse of red and green on December 24, holidays in Israel are clearly marked, if not necessary as כתוב בתורה, as written in the Bible.

The Rites of Spring

In Israel, due the vagaries of the Jewish lunar calendar, Purim has come and gone.  Aside from being one of the rare Jewish holidays with no sadness or restrictions (letting go is the rule, actually), it marks the unofficial end of the short three month winter here. 

In the next month, despite an occasional rainfall, the signs of spring will be felt.  Outside, calaniot (anemones) and pregim (poppies) will be joined by countless other spring flowers.  The Kinneret (the Sea of Galilee), the national water reserve, reaches its high water point before it becomes depressing low again.  In countless Jewish houses, women, grudgingly helped by their mates and children, start the grueling spring cleaning that culminates in a spotless house just before Pesach, for religious reasons of course.  On the shoe front, starting with the younger women, winter boots of all kinds are placed in their summer storage places to be joyfully replaced by new or not so new open sandals.  For better or for worse, the smell of meat on barbecues becomes ever more common.  The sun is pleasant, with the nights being a tad cool.  Alas, the Israeli spring quickly melts under the summer sun, but it has to be enjoyed while it lasts.

The United States also its spring rites.  Aside from a badger, groundhog, or some other animal seeing its shadow, the usual sign is the opening of the baseball season and the Memorial Day.   Of course, the formal date does not always mean that winter has ended.  Having danced several times at the Folklife festival in Seattle, Washington, I can attest that the end of May often does not mean the end of the rain.  Still, in most parts of the country, the snow has melted while the humidity has not reached 90% yet.  As I once read, this season in Montreal is called le temps de lilas, the time of lilacs, the short period when it is neither freezing nor sickeningly hot.

In France, spring is signaled by Paques, Easter, and its accompanying extended holiday.  My father has a theory that French workers work, all 35 hours a week, between holidays.  In May in France, this is quite true.  Most curiously, the centralized heating in many French houses goes off sometime in May as if the winter is over.  This is one of the “wrongs” of spring.

As you see, I have strivinskied to describe the end of winter in places I have lived. If you live in a country has special spring rites, I would like to hear.